2024

“THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT” (released April 19, 2024)

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)

I was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me

I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic

All of this to say, I hope you're okay, but you're the reason

And no one here's to blame, but what about your quiet treason?

And for a fortnight there, we were forever

Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather

Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors

Your wife waters flowers

I wanna kill her

All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February

I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary

And I love you, it's ruining my life

I love you, it's ruining my life

I touched you for only a fortnight

I touched you

But I touched you

And for a fortnight there, we were forever

Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather

Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors

Your wife waters flowers

I wanna kill her

And for a fortnight there, we were together

Run into you sometimes, comment on my sweater

Now you're at the mailbox, turned into good neighbors

My husband is cheating

I wanna kill him

I love you, it's ruining my life

I love you, it's ruining my life

I touched you for only a fortnight

I touched you

I touched you

I love you, it's ruining my life

I love you, it's ruining my life

I touched you for only a fortnight

I touched you

I touched you

Thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up

Another fortnight lost in America

Move to Florida, buy the car you want

But it won't start up till you touch, touch, touch me

Thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up

Another fortnight lost in America

Move to Florida, buy the car you want

But it won't start up till I touch, touch, touch you

The Tortured Poets Department

You left your typewriter at my apartment

Straight from the Tortured Poets Department

I think some things I never say

Like, "Who uses typewriters anyway?" But

You're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road

But I've seen this episode and still loved the show

Who else decodes you?

And who's gonna hold you like me?

And who's gonna know you, if not me?

I laughed in your face and said

"You're not Dylan Thomas

I'm not Patti Smith

This ain't the Chelsea Hotel

We're modern idiots"

And who's gonna hold you like me?

Nobody

No-fucking-body

Nobody

You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate

We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist

I scratch your head, you fall asleep

Like a tattooed golden retriever

But you awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head

But I've read this one where you come undone

I chose this cyclone with you

And who's gonna hold you like me? (Who's gonna hold you? Who's gonna hold you?)

And who's gonna know you like me? (Who's gonna know you?)

I laughed in your face and said

"You're not Dylan Thomas

I'm not Patti Smith

This ain't the Chelsea Hotel

We're modern idiots"

And who's gonna hold you like me? (Who's gonna hold you? Who's gonna hold you?)

No-fucking-body (Who's gonna hold you? Who's gonna hold you?)

Nobody (Who's gonna hold you? Gonna love you? Gonna troll you?)

Nobody

Sometimes I wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me

But you told Lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave

And I had said that to Jack about you, so I felt seen

Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be

'Cause we're crazy

So tell me

Who else is gonna know me?

At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one

People put wedding rings on, and that's the closest I've come

To my heart exploding

Who's gonna hold you?

Me

Who's gonna know you?

Me

"And you're not Dylan Thomas

I'm not Patti Smith

This ain't the Chelsea Hotel

We're two idiots"

Who's gonna hold you?

Who's gonna hold you? (Who's gonna hold you?)

Who's gonna hold you? (Who's gonna hold you?)

Who's gonna hold you?

Who's gonna hold you?

Who's gonna hold you? Gonna know you? Gonna troll you?

You left your typewriter at my apartment

Straight from the Tortured Poets Department

Who else decodes you?

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Oh, here we go again

The voices in his head

Called the rain to end our days of wild

The sickest army doll

Purchased at the mall

Rivulets descend my plastic smile

But you should've seen him

When he first got me

My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh

I'm queen of sand castles he destroys, oh, oh

'Cause it fit too right

Puzzle pieces in the dead of night

I should've known it was a matter of time

Oh, oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys, oh, oh-oh-oh

There was a litany of reasons why

We could've played for keeps this time

I know I'm just repeating myself

Put me back on my shelf

But first, pull the string

And I'll tell you that he runs

Because he loves me (He loves me)

'Cause you should've seen him

When he first saw me

My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh

I'm queen of sand castles he destroys, oh, oh

'Cause I knew too much

There was danger in the heat of my touch

He saw forever so he smashed it up

Oh, oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys, oh, oh-oh-oh

Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me

Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me

Just say when, I'd play again

He was my best friend

Down at the sandlot

I felt more when we played pretend

Than with all the Kens

'Cause he took me out of my box

Stole my tortured heart

Left all these broken parts

Told me I'm better off

But I'm not

I'm not

I'm not

Down Bad

Did you really beam me up?

In a cloud of sparkling dust

Just to do experiments on

Tell me I was the chosen one

Show me that this world is bigger than us

Then sent me back where I came from

For a moment, I knew cosmic love

Now I'm down bad, crying at the gym

Everything comes out teenage petulance

"Fuck it if I can't have him"

"I might just die, it would make no difference"

Down bad, waking up in blood

Staring at the sky, come back and pick me up

Fuck it if I can't have us

I might just not get up

I might stay down bad

Fuck it if I can't have him

Down bad

Fuck it if I can't have him

Did you take all my old clothes?

Just to leave me here naked and alone

In a field in my same old town

That somehow seems so hollow now

They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about the existence of you

For a moment, I was heaven struck

Now I'm down bad, crying at the gym (Crying at the gym)

Everything comes out teenage petulance

"Fuck it if I can't have him" (Fuck it if I can't have him)

"I might just die, it would make no difference"

Down bad, waking up in blood (Waking up in blood)

Staring at the sky, come back and pick me up

Fuck it if I can't have us

I might just not get up

I might stay down bad

Like I lost my twin

Fuck it if I can't have him (Down bad)

Down bad

Waving at the ship

Fuck it if I can't have him

I loved your hostile takeovers

Encounters closer and closer

All your indecent exposures

How dare you say that it's-

I'll build you a fort on some planet

Where they can all understand it

How dare you think it's romantic

Leaving me safe and stranded

'Cause fuck it, I was in love

So fuck you if I can't have us

'Cause fuck it, I was in love

Now I'm down bad, crying at the gym (Crying at the gym)

Everything comes out teenage petulance

"Fuck it if I can't have him" (Can't have him)

"I might just die, it would make no difference"

Down bad, waking up in blood (Waking up in blood)

Staring at the sky, come back and pick me up

Fuck it if I can't have us

I might just not get up

I might stay down bad

Like I lost my twin

Fuck it if I can't have him (Down bad)

Down bad

Waving at the ship

Fuck it if I can't have him

Like I lost my twin

Fuck it if I can't have him

Down bad

Waving at the ship

Fuck it if I can't have him

So Long, London

So long, London (So long, London)

So long, London (So long, London)

So long, London (So long, London)

I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist

I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift

Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away

My spine split from carrying us up the hill

Wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill

I stopped trying to make him laugh, stopped trying to drill the safe

Thinking how much sad did you think I had

Did you think I had in me?

Oh, the tragedy

So long, London

You'll find someone

I didn't opt in to be your odd man out

I founded the club she's heard great things about

I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath

I stopped CPR, after all, it's no use

The spirit was gone, we would never come to

And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free

For so long, London

Stitches undone

Two graves, one gun

I'll find someone

And you say I abandoned the ship

But I was going down with it

My white-knuckle dying grip

Holding tight to your quiet resentment

And my friends said it isn't right to be scared

Every day of a love affair

Every breath feels like rarest air

When you're not sure if he wants to be there

So how much sad did you think I had

Did you think I had in me?

How much tragedy?

Just how low did you think I'd go

Before I'd self-implode?

Before I'd have to go be free?

You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?

I died on the altar waiting for the proof

You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days

And I'm just getting color back into my face

I'm just mad as hell 'cause I loved this place

For so long, London (So long, London)

Had a good run (Had a good run)

A moment of warm sun (Moment of warm sun)

But I'm not the one (I'm not the one)

So long, London (So long, London)

Stitches undone (Stitches undone)

Two graves, one gun (Two graves, one gun)

You'll find someone (You'll find)

But Daddy I Love Him

I forget how the West was won

I forget if this was ever fun

I just learned these people only raise you to cage you

Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best

Clutching their pearls, sighing, "What a mess"

I just learned these people try and save you

'Cause they hate you

Too high a horse

For a simple girl to rise above it

They slammed the door on my whole world

The one thing I wanted

Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned

Screaming, "But Daddy, I love him!

I'm having his baby"

No, I'm not, but you should see your faces

I'm telling him to floor it through the fences

No, I'm not coming to my senses

I know he's crazy but he's the one I want

Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid

Tendrils tucked into a woven braid

Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all

He was chaos, he was revelry

Bedroom eyes like a remedy

Soon enough the elders had convened

Down at the city hall

"Stay away from her"

The saboteurs protested too much

Lord knows the words we never heard

Just screeching tires and true love

And I'm running with my dress unbuttoned

Screaming, "But Daddy, I love him!

I'm having his baby"

No, I'm not, but you should see your faces

I'm telling him to floor it through the fences

No, I'm not coming to my senses

I know he's crazy but he's the one I want

I'll tell you something right now

I'd rather burn my whole life down

Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning

I'll tell you something about my good name

It's mine alone to disgrace

I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing

God save the most judgmental creeps

Who say they want what's best for me

Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see

Thinking it can change the beat

Of my heart when he touches me

And counteract the chemistry

And undo the destiny

You ain't gotta pray for me

Me and my wild boy and all this wild joy

If all you want is gray for me

Then it's just white noise

And it's just my choice

There's a lot of people in town that I

Bestow upon my fakest smiles

Scandal does funny things to pride

But brings lovers closer

We came back when the heat died down

Went to my parents and they came around

All the wine moms are still holding out

But fuck 'em, it's over

Now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun, and

Even my daddy just loves him

I'm his lady

And oh my God, you should see your faces

Time, doesn't it give some perspective?

And no, you can't come to the wedding

I know he's crazy, but he's the one I want

I'll tell you something right now, you ain't gotta pray for me

Me and my wild boy and all of this wild joy

He was chaos, he was revelry

If all you want is gray for me

Then it's just white noise, and it's my choice

Screaming, "But Daddy, I love him!

I'm having his baby"

No, I'm not, but you

Should see your faces

But oh my God, you should see your faces

He was chaos, he was revelry

Fresh Out The Slammer

Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you

Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to

Fresh out the slammer, oh

Another summer, takin' cover

Rollin' thunder, he don't understand me

Splintered back in winter, silent dinners, bitter

He was with her in dreams

Gray and blue and fights and tunnels

Handcuffed to the spell I was under

For just one hour of sunshine

Years of labor, locks and ceilings

In the shade of how he was feelin'

But it's gonna be alright, I did my time

Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you

Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to

Fresh out the slammer, oh

Camera flashes, welcome bashes

Get the matches, toss the ashes off the ledge

As I said in my letters, now that I know better

I will never lose my baby again

My friends tried but I wouldn't hear it

Watched me daily disappearing

For just one glimpse of his smile

All those nights you kept me going

Swirled you into all of my poems

Now we're at the starting line, I did my time

Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin'

To the house where you still wait up and that porch light gleams

To the one who says I'm the girl of his American Dreams

And no matter what I've done, it wouldn't matter anyway

Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up, now that I know what's at stake

Here

At the park where we used to sit on children's swings

Wearing imaginary rings

But it's gonna be alright, I did my time

Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine)

You can beat the heat

If you beat the charges too

They said I was a cheat

I guess it must be true

And my friends all smell like weed or little babies

And this city reeks of driving myself crazy

Little did you know, your home's really only a town you're just a guest in

So you work your life away just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin

Florida!!!

Is one hell of a drug

Florida!!!

Can I use you up?

And the hurricane with my name, when it came

I got drunk and I dared it to wash me away

Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine

Well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time

Yes, I'm haunted, but I'm feeling just fine

All my girls got their lace and their crimes

And your cheating husband disappeared, well

No one asks any questions here

So I did my best to lay to rest

All of the bodies that have ever been on my body

And in my mind, they sink into the swamp

Is that a bad thing to say in a song?

Little did you know, your home's really only the town you'll get arrested

So you pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas

Florida!!!

Is one hell of a drug

Florida!!!

Can I use you up?

I need to forget, so take me to Florida

I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida

Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable

At least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, Florida!

I need to forget, so take me to Florida

I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida

Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable

What a crash, what a rush, fuck me up, Florida!

It's one hell of a drug

It's one hell of a drug

Love left me like this

And I don't want to exist

So take me to Florida

Little did you know, your home's really only a town you're just a guest in

So you work your life away just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin (Take me to Florida)

Little did you know, your home's really only the town you'll get arrested (Take me to Florida)

So you pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas (Take me to)

Florida!!!

Is one hell of a drug

(Take me to) Florida!!!

Can I use you up?

Florida!!!

Is one hell of a drug

Florida!!!

Go on, fuck me up

Guilty as Sin?

Drowning in the Blue Nile

He sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

My boredom's bone-deep

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

I dream of cracking locks

Throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks

Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox

I'm seeing visions, am I bad?

Or mad? Or wise?

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

I keep these longings locked

In lowercase, inside a vault

Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts

Only your actions talk

These fatal fantasies giving way to labored breath

Taking all of me, we've already done it in my head

If it's make-believe

Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

My bedsheets are ablaze, I've screamed his name

Building up like waves crashing over my grave

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me

They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly

I choose you and me religiously

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

He sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

Am I allowed to cry?

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

The "Who's Who" of "Who's That?"

Is poised for the attack

But my bare hands paved their paths

You don't get to tell me about "sad"

If you wanted me dead

You should've just said

Nothing makes me feel more alive

So I leap from the gallows, and I levitate down your street

Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream

"Who's afraid of little old me?"

You should be

The scandal was contained

The bullet had just grazed

At all costs, keep your good name

You don't get to tell me you feel bad

Is it a wonder I broke? Let's hear one more joke

Then we could all just laugh until I cry

So I leap from the gallows, and I levitate down your street

Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream

"Who's afraid of little old me?"

I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean

Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth

Who's afraid of little old me?

Well, you should be, you should be, you should be (You should be, you should be)

You should be, you should be, you should be (You should be, you should be)

So tell me everything is not about me

But what if it is?

Then say they didn't do it to hurt me

But what if they did?

I want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me

You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

So all you kids can sneak into my house, with all the cobwebs

I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

That I'll sue you if you step on my lawn

That I'm fearsome, and I'm wretched, and I'm wrong

Put narcotics into all of my songs

And that's why you're still singing along

So I leap from the gallows, and I levitate down your street

Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream

"Who's afraid of little old me?"

I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean

Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth

Who's afraid of little old me?

Well, you should be, you should be, you should be (You should be, you should be)

'Cause you lured me, and you hurt me, and you taught me (You should be, you should be)

You caged me, and then you called me crazy

I am what I am 'cause you trained me

So who's afraid of me?

So who's afraid of little old me?

Who's afraid of little old me?

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

The smoke cloud billows out his mouth

Like a freight train through a small town

The jokes that he told across the bar

Were revolting and far too loud

They shake their heads, saying, "God help her" when I

Tell 'em he's my man

But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger

I can fix him, no really I can

And only I can

The dopamine races through his brain

On a six-lane Texas highway

His hand, so calloused from his pistol

Softly traces hearts on my face

And I could see it from a mile away

A perfect case for my certain skillset

He had a halo of the highest grade

He just hadn't met me yet

They shake their heads, saying, "God help her" when I

Tell 'em he's my man

But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger

I can fix him, no really I can

And only I can

Good boy, that's right

Come close, I'll show you heaven

If you'll be an angel all night

Trust me, I can handle me a dangerous man

No really I can

They shook their heads, saying, "God help her" when I

Told 'em he's my man (I told 'em he's my man)

But your good Lord didn't need to lift a finger

I can fix him, no really I can (No really I can)

Whoa, maybe I can't

loml

Who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames

If we know the steps anyway?

We embroidered the memories of the time I was away

Stitching, "We were just kids, babe"

I said, "I don't mind, it takes time"

I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed

I felt aglow like this

Never before and never since

If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary

You and I go from one kiss to getting married

Still alive, killing time at the cemetery

Never quite buried

In your suit and tie, in the nick of time

You lowdown boy, you standup guy, you

Holy Ghost, you told me I'm

The love of your life

You said I'm the love of your life

About a million times

Who's gonna tell me the truth, when you blew in with the winds of fate

And told me I reformed you?

When your Impressionist paintings of Heaven turned out to be fakes

Well, you took me to hell too

And all at once, the ink bleeds

A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme

But I felt a hole like this

Never before and ever since

If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary

What we thought was for all time was momentary

Still alive, killing time at the cemetery

Never quite buried

You cinephile in black and white

All those plot twists and dynamite

Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry

You said I'm the love of your life

You shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles

I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all

Dancing phantoms on the terrace, are they second-hand embarrassed

That I can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

It was legendary

It was momentary

It was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried

Oh, what a valiant roar

What a bland goodbye

The coward claimed he was a lion

I'm combing through the braids of lies

"I'll never leave"

"Never mind"

Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire

Your arson's match, your somber eyes

And I'll still see it until I die

You're the loss of my life

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

I can read your mind

"She's having the time of her life"

There in her glittering prime

The lights refract sequin stars

Off her silhouette every night

I can show you lies

'Cause I'm a real tough kid

I can handle my shit

They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it"

And I did

Lights, camera, bitch, smile

Even when you want to die

He said he'd love me all his life

But that life was too short

Breaking down, I hit the floor

All the pieces of me shattered

As the crowd was chanting "More!"

I was grinning like I'm winning

I was hitting my marks

'Cause I can do it with a broken heart

I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday

Every day

I'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me

Like the plague

I cry a lot, but I am so productive

It's an art

You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart

I can hold my breath

I've been doing it since he left

I keep finding his things in drawers

Crucial evidence, I didn't imagine the whole thing

I'm sure I can pass this test

'Cause I'm a real tough kid

I can handle my shit

They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it"

And I did

Lights, camera, bitch, smile

In stilettos for miles

He said he'd love me for all time

But that time was quite short

Breaking down, I hit the floor

All the pieces of me shattered

As the crowd was chanting "More!"

I was grinning like I'm winning

I was hitting my marks

'Cause I can do it with a broken heart

I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday

Every day

I'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me

Like the plague

I cry a lot, but I am so productive

It's an art

You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart

You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart

You know you're good, and I'm good

'Cause I'm miserable!

And nobody even knows!

Try and come for my job

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Was any of it true?

Gazing at me starry-eyed

In your Jehovah's Witness suit

Who the fuck was that guy?

You tried to buy some pills

From a friend of friends of mine

They just ghosted you

Now you know what it feels like

And I don't even want you back, I just want to know

If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

And I don't miss what we had, but could someone give

A message to the smallest man who ever lived?

You hung me on your wall

Stabbed me with your push pins

In public, showed me off

Then sank in stoned oblivion

'Cause once your queen had come

You'd treat her like an also-ran

You didn't measure up

In any measure of a man

And I don't even want you back, I just want to know

If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

And I don't miss what we had, but could someone give

A message to the smallest man who ever lived?

Were you sent by someone

Who wanted me dead?

Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

Were you writing a book?

Were you a sleeper cell spy?

In fifty years will all this be declassified?

And you'll confess why you did it

And I'll say, "Good riddance"

'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

I would've died for your sins

Instead I just died inside

And you deserve prison, but you won't get time

You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars

You crashed my party and your rental car

You said normal girls were "boring"

But you were gone by the morning

You kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing

And in plain sight you hid

But you are what you did

And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive

The smallest man who ever lived

The Alchemy

This happens once every few lifetimes

These chemicals hit me like white wine

What if I told you I'm back?

The hospital was a drag

Worst sleep that I ever had

I circled you on a map

I haven't come around in so long

But I'm coming back so strong

So when I

Touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team

Ditch the clowns, get the crown, baby, I'm the one to beat

'Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

Hey, you

What if I told you we're cool?

That child's play back in school is forgiven under my rule

I haven't come around in so long

But I'm making a comeback to where I belong

So when I

Touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team

Ditch the clowns, get the crown, baby, I'm the one to beat

'Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

These blokes warm the benches, we been on a winning streak

He jokes that it's heroin but this time with an "E"

'Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

Shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads

Beer sticking to the floor, cheers chanted 'cause they said

There was no chance, tryna be the greatest in the league

Where's the trophy?

He just comes running over to me

Touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team

Ditch the clowns, get the crown, baby, I'm the one to beat

'Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

These blokes warm the benches, we been on a winning streak

He jokes that it's heroin but this time with an "E"

'Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

This happens once every few lifetimes

These chemicals hit me like white wine

Clara Bow

"You look like Clara Bow

In this light, remarkable

All your life, did you know

You'd be picked like a rose?"

"I'm not trying to exaggerate

But I think I might die if it happened

Die if it happened to me

No one in my small town

Thought I'd see the lights of Manhattan"

"This town is fake, but you're the real thing

Breath of fresh air through smoke rings

Take the glory, give everything

Promise to be dazzling"

"You look like Stevie Nicks

In '75, the hair and lips

Crowd goes wild at her fingertips

Half moonshine, a full eclipse"

"I'm not trying to exaggerate

But I think I might die if I made it

Die if I made it

No one in my small town

Thought I'd meet these suits in L.A.

They all wanna say"

"This town is fake, but you're the real thing

Breath of fresh air through smoke rings

Take the glory, give everything

Promise to be dazzling"

"The crown is stained, but you're the real queen

Flesh and blood amongst war machines

You're the new God we're worshipping

Promise to be dazzling"

Beauty is a beast that roars

Down on all fours

Demanding, "More"

Only when your girlish glow

Flickers just so

Do they let you know?

It's hell on earth to be heavenly

Them's the breaks, they don't come gently

"You look like Taylor Swift

In this light, we're loving it

You've got edge she never did

The future's bright, dazzling"

The Black Dog

I am someone who, until recent events

You shared your secrets with

And your location

You forgot to turn it off

And so I watch as you walk

Into some bar called The Black Dog

And pierce new holes in my heart

You forgot to turn it off

And it hits me

I just don't understand

How you don't miss me

In The Black Dog

When someone plays 'The Starting Line' and you jump up

But she's too young to know this song

That was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming

Old habits die screaming

I move through the world with the heartbroken

My longings stay unspoken

And I may never open up the way I did for you

And all of those best laid plans

You said I needed a brave man

Then proceeded to play him

Until I believed it too

And it kills me

I just don't understand

How you don't miss me

In the shower

And remember

How my rain-soaked body was shaking

Do you hate me?

Was it hazing?

For a cruel fraternity I pledged

And I still mean it

Old habits die screaming

Six weeks of breathing clean air

I still miss the smoke

Were you making fun of me with some esoteric joke?

Now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes

And hire a priest to come and exorcize my demons

Even if I die screaming

And I hope you hear it

And I hope it's shitty

In The Black Dog

When someone plays The Starting Line and you jump up

But she's too young to know this song

That was intertwined in the tragic fabric of our dreaming

'Cause tail between your legs you're leaving

And I still can't believe it

'Cause old habits die screaming

 imgonnagetyouback

Lilac short skirt

The one that fits me like skin

Did your research

You knew the price goin' in

And I'll tell you one thing, honey

I can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean

Standing at the bar like something's funny, bubbly

Once you fix your face, I'm goin' in

Whether I'm gonna be your wife or

Gonna smash up your bike, I

Haven't decided yet

But I'm gonna get you back

Whether I'm gonna curse you out or

Take you back to my house, I

Haven't decided yet

But I'm gonna get you back

I hear the whispers in your eyes

I'll make you wanna think twice

You'll find that you were never not mine

You're mine

Small talk, big love

Act like I don't care what you did

I'm an Aston Martin

That you steered straight into the ditch

Then ran and hid

And I'll tell you one thing, honey

I can take the upper hand and touch your body

Flip the script and leave you like a dumb house party

Or I might just love you 'til the end

Whether I'm gonna be your wife or

Gonna smash up your bike, I

Haven't decided yet

But I'm gonna get you back

Whether I'm gonna flip you off or

Pull you into the closet

I haven't decided yet

But I'm gonna get you back

I hear the whispers in your eyes

I'll make you wanna think twice, you'll find

That you were never not mine

You're mine

I can feel it comin', hummin' in the way you move

Push the reset button, we're becoming something new

Say you got somebody, I'll say, "I got someone too"

Even if it's handcuffed, I'm leaving here with you

Bygones will be bygone eras fadin' into gray

We broke all the pieces but still want to play the game

Told my friends, "I hate you but I love you just the same"

Pick your poison, babe

I'm poison either way

Whether I'm gonna be your wife or

Gonna smash up your bike, I

Haven't decided yet

But I'm gonna get you back

Whether I'm gonna curse you out or

Take you back to my house, I

Haven't decided yet

But I'm gonna get you back

I hear the whispers in your eyes

I'll make you wanna think twice

You'll find that you were never not mine

I'm gonna get you back

The Albatross

Wise men once said

"Wild winds are death to the candle"

A rose by any other name is a scandal

Cautions issued, he stood

Shooting the messengers

They tried to warn him about her

Cross your thoughtless heart

Only liquor anoints you

She's the albatross

She is here to destroy you

Wise men once said

"One bad seed kills the garden"

"One less temptress

One less dagger to sharpen"

Locked me up in towers

But I'd visit in your dreams

And they tried to warn you about me

Cross your thoughtless heart

Only liquor anoints you

She's the albatross

She is here to destroy you

Devils that you know

Raise worse hell than a stranger

She's the death you chose

You're in terrible danger

And when that sky rains fire on you

And you're persona non grata

I'll tell you how I've been there too

And that none of it matters

Wise men once read fake news

And they believed it

Jackals raised their hackles

You couldn't conceive it

You were sleeping soundly when they dragged you from your bed

And I tried to warn you about them

So I crossed my thoughtless heart

Spread my wings like a parachute

I'm the albatross

I swept in at the rescue

The devil that you know

Looks now more like an angel

I'm the life you chose

And all this terrible danger

So cross your thoughtless heart

She's the albatross

She is here to destroy you

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Your hologram stumbled into my apartment

Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness

Named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

And I just watched it happen

As the decade would play us for fools

And you saw my bones out with somebody new

Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school

And you just watched it happen

If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, "I loved you the way that you were"

If you want to tear my world apart

Just say you've always wondered

You said some things that I can't unabsorb

You turned me into an idea of sorts

You needed me, but you needed drugs more

And I couldn't watch it happen

I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools

Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules

All to outrun my desertion of you

And you just watched it

If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, "I loved you the way that you were"

If you want to tear my world apart

Just say you've always wondered

If the glint in my eye traced the depths of your sigh

Down that passage in time

Back to the moment I crashed into you

Like so many wrecks do

Too impaired by my youth

To know what to do

So if I sell my apartment

And you have some kids with an internet starlet

Will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon?

Like it never happened

Could it be enough to just float in your orbit?

Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses?

Cooler in theory, but not if you force it

To be, it just didn't happen

So if you want to break my cold, cold heart

Say you loved me

And if you want to tear my world apart

Say you'll always wonder

'Cause I wonder

Will I always

Will I always wonder?

How Did It End?

We hereby conduct this post mortem

He was a hothouse flower to my outdoorsman

Our maladies were such we could not cure them

And so a touch that was my birthright became foreign

Come one, come all

It's happening again

The empathetic hunger descends

We'll tell no one except all of our friends

We must know

How did it end?

We were blind to unforeseen circumstances

We learned the right steps to different dances

And fell victim to interlopers' glances

Lost the game of chance, what are the chances?

Soon they'll go home to their husbands

Smug 'cause they know they can trust him

Then feverishly calling their cousins

Guess who we ran into at the shops

Walking in circles like she was lost

Didn't you hear they called it all off

One gasp, and then

How did it end?

Say it once again with feeling

How the death rattle breathing

Silenced as the soul was leaving

The deflation of our dreaming

Leaving me bereft and reeling

My beloved ghost and me

Sitting in a tree

D-Y-I-N-G

It's happening again

How did it end?

I can't pretend like I understand

How did it end?

Come one, come all

It's happening again

The empathetic hunger descends

We'll tell no one except all of our friends

But I still don't know

How did it end?

So High School

I feel so high school

Every time I look at you

I want to find you in a crowd

Just to hide from you

And in the blink of a crinklin' eye

I'm sinkin', our fingers entwined

Cheeks pink in the twinklin' lights

Tell me 'bout the first time you saw me

I'll drink what you think and I'm high

From smokin' your jokes all damn night

The brink of a wrinkle in time

Bittersweet sixteen suddenly

I'm watchin' American Pie with you on a Saturday night

Your friends are around, so be quiet

I'm tryin' to stifle my sighs

'Cause I feel so high school

Every time I look at you

But look at you

Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

Kill me

It's just a game, but really

Really

I'm bettin' on all three for us two

All three

Get my car door, isn't that sweet

That sweet

Then pull me to the backseat

Backseat

No one's ever had me, not like you

Had me

Truth, dare, spin bottles

You know how to ball, I know Aristotle

Brand new, full throttle

Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto

It's true, swear, scouts honor

You knew what you wanted, and, boy, you got her

Brand new, full throttle

You already know, babe

I feel like laughin'

In the middle of practice

Do that impression you did of your dad again

I'm hearin' voices, like a madman

And in the blink of a crinklin' eye

I'm sinkin', our fingers entwined

Cheeks pink in the twinklin' lights

Tell me 'bout the first time you saw me

I'll drink what you think and I'm high

From smokin' your jokes all damn night

The brink of a wrinkle in time

Bittersweet sixteen suddenly

I'm watching American Pie with you on a Saturday night

Your friends are around, so be quiet

I'm tryin' to stifle my sighs

'Cause I feel so high school

Every time I look at you

But look at you

Truth, dare, spin bottles

You know how to ball, I know Aristotle

Brand new, full throttle

Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto

It's true, swear, scouts honor

You knew what you wanted, and, boy, you got her

Brand new, full throttle

You already know, babe

You already know, babe

I Hate It Here

Quick, quick

Tell me something awful

Like you are a poet

Trapped inside the body of a finance guy

Tell me all your secrets

All you'll ever be is

My eternal consolation prize

You see I was a debutant

In another life, but

Now I seem to be scared to go outside

If comfort is a construct

I don't believe in good luck

Now that I know what's what

I hate it here so I will go to

Secret gardens in my mind

People need a key to get to

The only one is mine

I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child

No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears

I'm there most of the year 'cause I hate it here

I hate it here

My friends used to play a game where

We would pick a decade

We wished we could live in instead of this

I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid

Everyone would look down

'Cause it wasn't fun now

Seems like it was never even fun back then

Nostalgia is a mind's trick

If I'd been there, I'd hate it

It was freezing in the palace

I hate it here so I will go to

Lunar valleys in my mind

When they found a better planet

Only the gentle survived

I dreamed about it in the dark

The night I felt like I might die

No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears

I'm there most of the year 'cause I hate it here

I hate it here

I'm lonely, but I'm good

I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine

I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on purpose

This place made me feel worthless

Lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me and in my fantasies I rise above it

And way up there, I actually love it

I hate it here so I will go to

Secret gardens in my mind

People need a key to get to

The only one is mine

I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child

No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears

I'm there most of the year 'cause I hate it here

I hate it here

Quick, quick

Tell me something awful

Like you are a poet

Trapped inside the body of a finance guy

thanK you aIMee

When I picture my hometown

There's a bronze, spray-tanned statue of you

And a plaque underneath it

That threatens to push me down the stairs at our school

And it was always the same searing pain

But I dreamed that one day I could say

All that time you were throwin' punches

I was buildin' somethin'

And I can't forgive the way you made me feel

Screamed, 'fucK you aIMee' to the night sky

As the blood was gushin'

But I can't forget the way you made me heal

And it wasn't a fair fight

Or a clean Kill

Each time that aIMee stomped across my grave

And then she wrote headlines

In the local paper laughing at each baby step I'd take

And it was always the same searing pain

But I prayed that one day I could say

All that time you were throwin' punches

I was buildin' somethin'

And I couldn't wait to show you it was real

Screamed 'fucK you aIMee' to the night sky

As the blood was gushin'

But I can't forget the way you made me heal

Everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman

But she used to say she wished that you were dead

I pushed each boulder up the hill

Your words are still just ringin' in my head, ringin' in my head

I wrote a thousand songs that you find uncool

I built a legacy that you can't undo

But when I count the scars

There's a moment of truth

That there wouldn't be this

If there hadn't been you

And maybe you've reframed it

And in your mind you never beat my spirit black and blue

I don't think you've changed much

And so I changed your name and any real defining clues

And one day

Your kid comes home singing

A song that only us two is gonna know is about you

'Cause

All that time you were throwin' punches

It was all for nothin'

And our town it looks so small from way up here

Screamed, 'thanK you aIMee'' to the night sky

And the stars are stunnin'

'Cause I can't forget the way you made me heal

Everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman

But she used to say she wished that you were dead

So I pushed each boulder up that hill

Your words were still just ringin' in my head, ringin' in my head

ThanK you aIMee

ThanK you aIMee

 
I Look in People’s Windows

I had died the tiniest death

I spied the catch in your breath

Out, out, out, out, out, out

Northbound I got carried away

As you boarded your train

South, south, south, south, south, south

A feather taken by the wind blowing

I'm afflicted by the not knowing so

I look in people's windows

Transfixed by rose golden glows

They have their friends over to drink nice wine

I look in people's windows

In case you're at their table

What if your eyes looked up and met mine

One more time

You had stopped and tilted your head

I still ponder what it meant

Now, now, now, now, now, now

I tried searching faces on streets

What are the chances you'd be

Downtown, downtown, downtown

Does it feel alright to not know me?

I'm addicted to the "if only"

So I look in people's windows

Like I'm some deranged weirdo

I attend Christmas parties from outside

I look in people's windows

In case you're at their table

What if your eyes looked up and met mine

One more time

The Prophecy

Hand on the throttle

Thought I caught lightning in a bottle

Oh, but it's gone again

And it was written

I got cursed like Eve got bitten

Oh, was it punishment?

Pad around when I get home

I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope

A greater woman wouldn't beg

But I looked to the sky and said

Please

I've been on my knees

Change the prophecy

Don't want money

Just someone who wants my company

Let it once be me

Who do I have to speak to

About if they can redo

The prophecy?

Cards on the table

Mine play out like fools in a fable, oh

It was sinking in

Sinking in, oh

Slow is the quicksand

Poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand

Oh, still I dream of him

Please

I've been on my knees

Change the prophecy

Don't want money

Just someone who wants my company

Let it once be me

Who do I have to speak to

About if they can redo

The prophecy?

And I sound like an infant

Feelin' like the very last drops of an ink pen

A greater woman stays cool

But I howl like a wolf at the moon

And I look unstable

Gathered with a coven round a sorceress' table

A greater woman has faith

But even statues crumble if they're made to wait

I'm so afraid I sealed my fate

No sign of soulmates

I'm just a paperweight

In shades of greige

Spending my last coin so someone will tell me

It'll be ok

Ooh

Ooh

Ooh

Ooh

Please

I've been on my knees

Change the prophecy

Don't want money

Just someone who wants my company

Let it once be me

Who do I have to speak to

About if they can redo

The prophecy?

Who do I have to speak to

To change the prophecy?

Hand on the throttle

Thought I caught lightning in a bottle, oh

But it's gone again

Pad around when I get home

I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope

A greater woman wouldn't beg

But I looked to the sky and said

Please

Cassandra

I was in my new house placing daydreams

Patching up the crack along the wall

I pass it and lose track of what I'm saying

'Cause that's where I was when I got the call

When the first stone's thrown there's screamin'

In the streets there's a ragin' riot

When it's, "Burn the bitch", they're shrieking

When the truth comes out it's quiet

So they killed Cassandra first

'Cause she feared the worst

And tried to tell the town

So they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say

Do you believe me now?

I was in my tower weaving nightmares

Twisting all my smiles into snarls

They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware

What happens if it becomes who you are?

So they killed Cassandra first

'Cause she feared the worst

And tried to tell the town

So they set my life in flames, I regret to say

Do you believe me now?

They knew, they knew, they knew the whole time

That I was onto somethin'

The family, the pure greed, the Christian chorus line

They all said nothin'

Blood's thick, but nothin' like a payroll

Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul

You can mark my words that I said it first

In a mourning warning no one heard

I patched up the crack along the wall

I pass it and lose track of what I'm saying

'Cause that's where I was when I lost it all

So they killed Cassandra first

'Cause she feared the worst

And tried to tell the town

So they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say

Do you believe me now?

I was onto somethin'

They all said nothin'

Blood's thick, but nothin' like a payroll

Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul

You can mark my words that I said it first

In a mourning warning no one heard

No one heard

Not a single word was heard

When the first stone's thrown there's screamin'

In the streets there's a ragin' riot

When it's "Burn the bitch", they're shriekin'

When the truth comes out it's quiet

It's so quiet

Peter

Forgive me, Peter

My lost fearless leader

In closets like cedar

Preserved from when we were just kids

Is it somethin' I did?

The goddess of timing

Once found us beguiling

She said she was trying

Peter, was she lying?

My ribs get the feelin' she did

And I didn't want to come down

I thought it was just goodbye for now

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Words from the mouths of babes

Promises oceans deep

But never to keep

Oh, never to keep

Are you still a mind reader?

A natural scene stealer?

I've heard great things, Peter

But life was always easier on you

Than it was on me

And sometimes it gets me

When crossing your jet stream

We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon

In different galaxies

And I didn't want to hang around

We said it was just goodbye for now

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Words from the mouths of babes

Promises oceans deep

But never to keep

Never to keep

And I won't confess that I waited

But I let the lamp burn

As the men masqueraded

I hoped you'd return

With your feet on the ground

Tell me all that you'd learned

'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned

And you said you'd come and get me, but you were twenty-five

And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired

Lost to the Lost Boys chapter of your life

Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried

To hold onto the days when you were mine (Hold onto the days)

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Words from the mouths of babes

Promises oceans deep

But never to keep

 The Bolter

By all accounts, she almost drowned

When she was six in frigid water

And I can confirm she made

A curious child, ever reviled

By everyone except her own father

With a quite bewitching face

Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless

Excellent fun till you get to know her

Then she runs like it's a race

Behind her back, her best mates laughed

And they nicknamed her The Bolter

Started with a kiss

"Oh, we must stop meeting like this"

But it always ends up with a town car speeding

Out the drive one evening

Ended with the slam of a door

Then he'll call her a whore

Wish he wouldn't be sore

But as she was leaving

It felt like breathing

All her fuckin' lives

Flashed before her eyes

It feels like the time

She fell through the ice

Then came out alive

He was a cad, wanted her bad

Just like any good trophy hunter

And she liked the way it tastes

Taming a bear, making him care

Watching him jump then pulling him under

And at first blush, this is fate

When it's all roses, portrait poses

Central Park Lake in tiny rowboats

What a charming Saturday

That's when she sees the littlest leaks

Down in the floorboards

And she just knows

She must bolt

Started with a kiss

"Oh, we must stop meeting like this"

But it always ends up with a town car speeding

Out the drive one evening

Ended with the slam of a door

Then he'll call her a whore

Wish he wouldn't be sore

But as she was leaving

It felt like breathing

All her fuckin' lives

Flashed before her eyes

It feels like the time

She fell through the ice

Then came out alive

She's been many places with

Men of many faces

First they're off to the races

And she's laughing drawin' aces

But, none of it is changin'

That the chariot is waitin'

Hearts are hers for the breakin'

There's escape in escaping

Started with a kiss

"Oh, we must stop meeting like this"

But it always ends with a town car speeding

Out the drive one evenin'

Ended with the slam of a door

But she's got the best stories

You can be sure

That as she was leaving

It felt like freedom

All her fuckin' lives

Flashed before her eyes

And she realized

It feels like the time

She fell through the ice

Then came out alive

Robin

Long may you reign

You're an animal

You are bloodthirsty

Out window panes talking utter nonsense

You have no idea

Strings tied to levers

Slowed-down clocks tethered

All this showmanship

To keep it for you

In sweetness

Way to go, tiger

Higher and higher

Wilder and lighter

For you

Long may you roar

At your dinosaurs

You're a just ruler

Covered in mud, you look ridiculous

And you have no idea

Buried down deep and out of your reach

The secret we all vowed

To keep it from you

In sweetness

Way to go, tiger

Higher and higher

Wilder and lighter

For you

You got the dragonflies above your bed

You have a favorite spot on the swing set

You have no room in your dreams for regrets

You have no idea

The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean

You'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline

But now we'll curtail your curiosity

In sweetness

Way to go, tiger

Way to go, tiger

Higher and higher

Higher and higher

Wilder and lighter

For you

The Manuscript

Now and then she re-reads the manuscript

Of the entire torrid affair

They compared their licenses

He said, "I'm not a donor but

I'd give you my heart if you needed it"

She rolled her eyes and said, "You're a professional"

He said, "No, just a Good Samaritan"

He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was

Soon they'd be pushing strollers

But soon it was over

In the age of him she wished she was thirty

And made coffee every morning in a French press

Afterward she only ate kids' cereal

And couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed

Then she dated boys who were her own age

With dartboards on the backs of their doors

She thought about how he said

Since she was so wise beyond her years

Everything had been above board

She wasn't sure

And the years passed like scenes of a show

The professor said to write what you know

Looking backwards might be the only way

To move forward

Then the actors were hitting their marks

And the slow dance was alight with the sparks

And the tears fell in synchronicity with the score

And at last

She knew what the agony had been for

The only thing that's left is the manuscript

One last souvenir from my trip to your shores

Now and then I re-read the manuscript

But the story isn't mine anymore